This episode was a gut wrenching, emotional roller coaster. It was the sort of performance from the actors that left you truly affected even hours after a viewing. An episode to watch once and then again, just to fully digest all of it. I sat for a long while after the episode ended, still thinking about the grief I felt, the pain I was able to feel right through the screen. There was so much to take in that it's almost too overwhelming for me as a viewer. Having read the books, I had anticipated this episode to be as soul stirring and as dreaded as Wentworth and To Ransom A Man's Soul. What I didn't anticipate was being more affected by the performance on screen than by the words on the page. If there was ever a real case for awards, Faith, deserves every single one it can get.
When it first opens, and you see that glimpse of Brianna and Claire in the future, it's sequence dreamlike, I think that the scene was meant to give us some hope in the face of all the pain we would soon bear witness too.
I'm not a mother (unless you count fur babies). I have never been in an a long term relationship. I have never felt a child growing inside of me or experienced the loss of a child but even still, this episode left me feeling hollow with grief inside at witnessing Claire's anguish. Caitriona Balfe gave the performance of her life this episode. It is still astonishing to me that she truly really had no acting experience before landing the role of Claire Randall Fraser. The way she can transform her face, her expressions so easily read. You can see every thought cross from her brow to her mouth. Her pain, her anger, her fury, her confusion. All of it shows so plainly and only enhances the viewers understanding of what she is going through. The portrayal of Claire is so realistic, that it's hard to imagine this show is set in a fictional version of a time long ago.
The first real gut wrenching moment is when she is calling out for her baby. "My baby. My baby." Over and over again she cries, clutching Mother Hildegarde who can only look on in anguish and explain how her child had never even drawn a breath. When Claire is clutching her stillborn child in her hands, singing to her, tears are streaming down my face and though I've never known what it's like to give a mother's love, I can feel my heart breaking in two. My nerves are ripped at the shreds. I dare say, that this episode affected me far more than To Ransom a Man's Soul and I can do nothing but heap praise upon Toni Graphia for doing such a wonderful job getting to the core emotions of the scenes in the books. Yes, there were changes, as their often are with book to screen adaptions, but I think this will be the episode that gives Claire an Emmy nomination, if not the award itself and I'd be sorely upset if the Emmys snub Outlander this year as they did last year. There is no way that episode won't get her a nomination.
The best thing about Outlander to me, is that despite the fact that it's a historical/fantasy drama, is that it does what other shows do not. It faces the consequences of every horrifying thing that happens to the characters in the show. It's not like Jamie being raped and then they skip over it like it never happened. It weighs heavily on him. A piece of him will always be affected by what happened to him and the show doesn't gloss over that. When poor Fergus relates his nightmare to Claire, even before that you can see the change in him and you just want to hold him tight and draw your fingers through his curls and whisper everything will be okay. By this point he's part of the Fraser family, a surrogate son to Jamie and to Claire and Claire has to face the reality that Jamie had true reason for breaking his promise. It is also poignant in how they deal with loss. Usually in movies and TV shows, there is grief shown when a mother loses a child, but I don't think ever to the degree I've witnessed with this episode. They went all in with it, showing her go from panicked denial, to silent grief and finally painful acceptance.
Whether you've lost a child or not, I think it's safe to assume that those who have might have seen some of themselves in Claire's grief, or seen what a mother goes through losing a piece of themselves and the man that they love. When she and Jamie are discussing what happens, and you expect for her to lay into him with her hatred, she ends up blaming herself for what happened. Jamie's words still resonate with me in the aftermath. That they'll have to carry their grief with them. Just as he still carries the weight of what Randall has done to him. Just as Fergus must now carry the weight of his own assault.
There was a lot of heaviness with this episode, and I found myself reaching for the tissues on more than one occasion. I just want to say, that I'm so utterly grateful for the story Diana has given us, and the tender care the show runners and writers have taken the heart of the story and brought it to life. I was not as affected reading it as I was watching it. As Jamie said, there's a difference between knowing something and seeing something and seeing Claire grieve the loss of Faith, seeing Claire and Jamie struggle over the loss of their child, broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces. All I can say is well done.
Well done.
